Dreaming is for dreamers
*** alert -This is going to be an introspective post I'm just warning you in case the title didn't clue you in - *** alert
I'm rapidly approaching my gasp clutch chest TWENTY-SEVENTH birthday. I can't believe it to say the least. I'm taking stock of my life. I know that is usually reserved for those individuals who have just entered some type of rehab, are recently divorced or widowed, or have just lost a loved one. But hey what's the harm in taking a moment to reflect before some type of personal tragedy. I'm going to revisit some of the idealism of my youth. You know the time before most of us learned life isn't fair and dreams don't always come true.
When I was younger I could picture my future career, home, car, and even kids in such startling detail it felt like a memory instead of something that had yet to happen. It was awesome to say the least. I had no doubt that I would become that projection. I'd do college, med school, get married have two kids and live a fantastic life. I would picture the future me stepping out onto the terrace outside my bedroom and watch the sun rise - and smile. I swear I could feel the warmth from the sun on my face and the pleasure from living my own life. It was a fantastic dream.
Fast forward Jesus, 13 years and I'm not her. I'm not that married doctor with three kids. I don't live in that big house or drive that big mercedes. Not even close. I didn't take into account that I would go to college and realize that I didn't want those things anymore when I was faced with the reality of them. It's been hard to accept the dissolution of a dream I've had since childhood. Even though my head tells me I know I don't want to delve into med school and rush into marriage and have two or three kids by thirty sometimes my heart aches because I don't have any of those things. I actually had to forgive myself for letting that young idealistic me down.
It's hard to take a different road then the one you've plotted. Life takes you in so many different directions that sometimes you look back and you can't even see where the journey started. And that's not a bad thing. I hate to go all Matrix but I remember a quote from Morpheus in the movie that went something like"There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path", and as I get older that statement rings true more often than not. I'm sure there are many people who feel as if they've taken all the right steps, went in the right direction and they just aren't where they thought they would be. That's life. I've found that out.
When your life doesn't live up to your dreams, I've decided that either make changes that lead toward that end or dream new dreams. I've decided to go back to dreaming.
I'm rapidly approaching my gasp clutch chest TWENTY-SEVENTH birthday. I can't believe it to say the least. I'm taking stock of my life. I know that is usually reserved for those individuals who have just entered some type of rehab, are recently divorced or widowed, or have just lost a loved one. But hey what's the harm in taking a moment to reflect before some type of personal tragedy. I'm going to revisit some of the idealism of my youth. You know the time before most of us learned life isn't fair and dreams don't always come true.
When I was younger I could picture my future career, home, car, and even kids in such startling detail it felt like a memory instead of something that had yet to happen. It was awesome to say the least. I had no doubt that I would become that projection. I'd do college, med school, get married have two kids and live a fantastic life. I would picture the future me stepping out onto the terrace outside my bedroom and watch the sun rise - and smile. I swear I could feel the warmth from the sun on my face and the pleasure from living my own life. It was a fantastic dream.
Fast forward Jesus, 13 years and I'm not her. I'm not that married doctor with three kids. I don't live in that big house or drive that big mercedes. Not even close. I didn't take into account that I would go to college and realize that I didn't want those things anymore when I was faced with the reality of them. It's been hard to accept the dissolution of a dream I've had since childhood. Even though my head tells me I know I don't want to delve into med school and rush into marriage and have two or three kids by thirty sometimes my heart aches because I don't have any of those things. I actually had to forgive myself for letting that young idealistic me down.
It's hard to take a different road then the one you've plotted. Life takes you in so many different directions that sometimes you look back and you can't even see where the journey started. And that's not a bad thing. I hate to go all Matrix but I remember a quote from Morpheus in the movie that went something like"There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path", and as I get older that statement rings true more often than not. I'm sure there are many people who feel as if they've taken all the right steps, went in the right direction and they just aren't where they thought they would be. That's life. I've found that out.
When your life doesn't live up to your dreams, I've decided that either make changes that lead toward that end or dream new dreams. I've decided to go back to dreaming.
posted by trejan29 @ 8:40 AM
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